Thursday 17 May 2018

Past perfect-present tense


  • Loneliness is like a fleece blanket in chennai. Baby's bottom soft to touch but the moment you slip under them hoping for buttery comfort you will sweat out about a 100 calories. Everyone else sees you under the "comfortable fleece but only you know how desperately you want to get out of it.. I do not know if it's the new place,  totally different way of living,  a different set of rules or being totally clueless about what next, but I feel smothered by this fleece blanket. I've never been in one place too long. By the time a new place grows on me,  it's already time to move. After a lot of such moving around,  I'm finally in Mumbai. I know I know,  there is social,  juhu,  vada paav, and the monsoons but it does not float my boat. Not yet. I have spent years in the laid back and fiercely polite Coimbatore,  hills and valleys of ooty, family friends more than family GULF, best UBERs and hypermarket ever (lulu) cochin, and something for everyone chennai. I guess Im not that big a fan of this beehive called Mumbai except for maybe the sea link road which I adore to bits. My ideal place would be ever cool with hills on one side and Bessy beach on the other, the sea link bridge that connect one hill with the other via the sea don't ask me how though.  There should be the occasional snow fall, 2 months of monsoons per year and inhabited by a mix of people from different states each minding thir own business but gathering together under banyan trees to play carroms or chess or just to catch up. There would be shops selling free Mysore dosas, kancheepuram idlis and filter coffee with Tamil songs from the 90s blaring in the background. There will only be public buses of all kinds,  no private mode of transport except for cycles, mc Donald's delivery bikes and ambulance. This utopian world of mine is what sweet dreams are made of. No matter where in the world you've been to,  at the end of the day there is just one place that you want to get back to. This distorted reality is my happy place. And here I am in a place that travels faster than time , almost a galaxy away from my utopian world.  The constant ache of wanting to be elsewhere has totally closed me off, making me a kitchen island surrounded by advanced gadgets, utility areas and designated cooking areas.  I know it's not fair to this place with the sea link road and this lonliness is of my own making. Knowing this is the good part. How l'll get out of it is another that will probably require a few years to figure out.