Friday, 13 December 2013

Smell Fixation

What a beautiful weather! I’m sitting beside an open door, and looking at the gloomy sky and the dull green trees listening to some oddball bird that’s chirping instead of cozying up in its nest.  A really cool breeze presents itself occasionally.  This feels like master Shifus’s inner peace!
But, this inner peace soon becomes more like Po’s inner peace.  I tell my brain that I am enjoying nature and don’t wish to be disturbed and at that precise moment it reminds me of the DD that I have to take in favor of COMEDK.  I tell my brain, no worries! I will take it soon.
 It’s quite for a minute then tells me about all the clothes I have to fold before placing them neatly in the cupboard.  I say so what?? There is sooo much time left. Then my two faced brain sent down a set of instructions that made me turn away from the door and the beauty beyond it, and forced me to look at all the books on the table. It was torture. It hurt me really bad! I argued with my brain. What the hell is your problem??? Can’t you let me enjoy pleasant weather?? Why do you always have to spoil everything for me? Don’t you have a heart? I asked my brain.
That was the question that did the damage. My brain couldn't handle the fact that I asked about heart, my brains on and off friend. My brain came back at me with full vengeance. It reminded me of the new shirt that dint fit, the chicken pox that will leave scars, the application forms that I hadn't yet filled, the tap that was not working in the loo, my friends engagement that I missed, the fast approaching new years eve that will just be another day, the magnum ice-cream that is playing hide and seek, the exams and their results, and all the uncertainties of the future.
 My brain won. I blamed the gloomy sky and dull green trees ad that mental chirping bird for distracting me, wasting my time and making me feel dull and lazy!
Whoever it was who said “stop and smell the roses” was seriously crazy. He/she must be DE cerebrate.
Its impossible to stop and smell anything for that matter, without having a muted conversation with our brain at every step. A thousand thoughts occupy our little heads at any given time. The worries and joys of everyday life , the mistakes of the past, the lies we have told, the people we dislike, the war in Syria, the dirty politics in our country, the price of onions, expectations, the peeling paint on our walls and that new Audi A7. We think about anything and everything. And if we do get to smell the rose, we ask ourselves, isn't’ this a bit too mild?, I think the other rose was better,  oh crap! Its making me sneeze, Am I inhaling pesticides!??
So forget about stopping and smelling the roses. We have our own sweet smelling/ stinking lives to keep us occupied. Enjoy that. When you do it will be a smell to remember!!!

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Please me!

I have to change my whats app contact image, so i get hold of a reasonably good pic then just before i make it my DP i have this mind voice "noooo it looks too plain" , "makes me look too dark", öh shit! its the same shirt as in my previous DP!"",...and i finally stick to the old picture. 

 I go to this fancy coffee shop ( oh pardon me! "la cafe" ) for a school reunion, with batch mates who are apparently having very interesting lives...orders are being taken and one wants a mocha, another a frappe, cafe au lait with skimmed milk.... blah blah and now its my turn to order something exotic and foreign and prove my prowess in diction..i stare at the menu card (my mind is screaming FILTER KAPI ) and i order an espresso. Whats that? i don't know either!

Everything I ( can i say we? ) do is subject to scrutiny and judgement. It happens at home, school, housing complex, super markets, internet,.. the whole freaking place!

When i say i am from XYZ school my neighbor is quick to respond "ohhh anda schoolaaa. is it not the one from which a student eloped with some man??"  I have already killed her inside my head but all i can say is "ÿeahh aunty!"

 Even at departmental stores when I go for some mundane purchase looking for good stuff at cheaper rates, there are two or three staff members tailing me like some body guards,shaking their heads every time my hand reaches out for the cheapest (but proven efficient!) stuff on the shelf.

This is just the beginning. Being judgmental is a part of everyday existence. It starts right from when we were at primary school. The kid with the cutest stationary, the tastiest snack box and the chubby cheeks was always more popular than the quite, nose digger out of curiosity  kid.

Then comes the high school where report cards are like paychecks. Higher grade is always a better kid!
Invariably after every exam when we took our report cards home the very first question our parents ask "how much did your friend get??" if its less then wooow its celebration time. But if your friend happens to be a nerd, then all you get is advice cum blackmail. Throughout school its always about out performing the neighbors , our uncles children, great grandmothers sisters family and yeah even the reference student in America!!
Music class? go for it. Dance? yes go!. Karate? why not?? after all this if your tired?? you hear "ïf mala aunties sisters daughter can do it, why cant you???"

Since we grow up midst all this comparison and outperforming crap we evolve to be a highly judgmental group of individuals who care about the image we project to make sure that we are not judged. But hey! its fine to judge others.

The way we project ourselves is now more important that what we actually are. Even in a hospital the patient obviously prefers a doctor who is smart,, with a clean white coat and a smile like how hey show in close up ad.( never mind the fact that he know way less than the other doctor who has been stuck up in the hospital and got no time to shave and looks like a zombie)
 And as a doctor we judge the patients too! If its a well dressed, English speaking patient then our treatment will also involve a lot of fake laughs and nauseating discussions involving everything from sweat to stools. And if the patient happens to be not so aware type, we just quickly examine give the required medications and bye bye.

IM not staying stop judging, dont label people, because its something we all do subconsciously.  Everything from the place we study, work, the friends we make, the enemies we choose, the car we drive to the food we eat is largely dependent on projecting a better image of ourselves. Its all a part of" im up the societies ass strategy "

Least we forget..we often find a well wisher in the strictest of professors, lasting friends in the sickest college, happiness in an exam hall where no one knows the answer and soul satisfying food from a street vendor (hint hint_ Nehru park!)

So next time your at some place like the hilton and have this craving for lemon rice with fries potatoes do ask them. If your shown the door, just wish them a good day, head straight to saravana bhavan or vasanta bhavan and eat your heart out.

What is life if not for such small pleasures ? And yeah dont go anywhere near the hilton again. They wont even let you in!